Tuesday, May 13, 2008

It's official!

So!... We have officially decided to pursue adoption. I am almost paralyzed with fear. Pushing through it, though. My biggest fear is allowing myself to want this so much and then it not happening. After my IVF journey, I did not fall apart, but I don't know how much my heart can take. I feel like I am TTC again. I am excited, and I am trying to patiently await my miracle. I can envision holding my baby in my arms, and I am overwhelmed with emotion. This is all so new. I can't believe I am a blogger, but I do think I need to document this journey in a special way, and reach out to the adoption community. I am truly flying blind, way out of my comfort zone. 

I am sure that sounds so obvious. How many people, new to adoption, are in their comfort zone?!

I am very blessed to have started a fledgling friendship with a beautiful, large family(still growing:)) including 3 adopted children, that is helping us on this journey. They inspire me. I believe God brought them into our lives for a reason(s).

The absolute main issue is money. That is probably the biggest reason we haven't pursued adoption sooner. I now feel a sense of urgency, and I can't put off trying any longer. I am planning to use all of the resources available to me, and for once in my life rely on the kindness of strangers, as well as family and friends. We are taking a leap of faith, to expand our already amazing family. I know our other child(ren) is/are out there waiting, and I know God will bring us together when the time is right. In the meantime I plan on doing all I can to be ready.

My sweet, spirited 6 year old has longed for a younger sibling for years. I want that for him so much. He has been praying for a baby brother and/or sister, and asking me if we could adopt. My heart is so full whenever I hear his prayers of we discuss this, it brings tears to my eyes.

My husband is just amazing. I came to this marriage almost 3 years ago with 2 beautiful children (my daughter is 13) and he loves them as only a father could and should. We discovered fertility issues a year ago, after ttc since the wedding. We pursued many options to no avail. While we have not given up on the dream of having a biological child (he doesn't have any) we want to grow our family now and parent a child together from the start, along with all of the other glorious experiences that come along with a larger family.

With all of that said, I am ready to put my heart on the line do this. I will not operate from a place of fear. I will put my faith in God and get ready for our miracle!!!! Prayers are appreciated!


Anonymous said...

We are SO excited for you guys and we are praying for you. We want you to know we support you every step of the way. Now you need to get your paypal button up so people can start helping!

Salzwedel Family said...

I'm so glad my post was a blessing to you. I know it touched me in a mighty way also. I'll be praying for your journey.

crispy said...

I am joining your journey right along with you. I am an old time friend of Courtney and I look forward to getting to know you.