Thursday, May 15, 2008

Figuring things out

I think I figured out at least some of the reasons that I am so out of sorts these days. Adoption is unlike anything I have ever experienced. 

I recently attempted IVF (didn't work), and that was very emotional. It still hurts...more than I like to admit. I wanted it to work so badly. Infertility in and of itself is deeply painful, obviously. I won't go into all of that here, anyone who deals with it knows. 

Still, adoption is so different. I certainly don't want to sound dumb or offend anyone. I am simply saying what I am feeling. I have been so emotional since making the decision to adopt, and am realizing part of that is that it's so much bigger than me. 

Learning about the process is overwhelming, and thinking about what it means, what it really means, to grow our family through adoption, really makes me hurt for all of the children that need a home. All of the circumstances that make that so. All of the pain, all of the love, all of the lives, all of the disappointments, all of the joy, and yes all of the money involved. 

Then I realize that we are just one family, only helping one or two, only one or two children helping us. It makes me feel so small and helpless, and scared that I can't handle all of the tough stuff. Then I think about my child or children coming home, and I know that whatever I have to do, this will be, and in the end I will be even more blessed than I already am. 

I am at the beginning of my journey, but I can see the ending already. My family will be complete, and God will still be smiling on us.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

God loves a tender heart. You are feeling all of the things you should be.

kelly said...

Welcome to the world of Adoption! I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for your child/children to be.
PS I found your site from The wife of the rockstar site!

dreamingBIGdreams said...

welcome to the world of adoption.

i'm a mommy to four children. two at home now (one bio and one adopted at birth domestically) and two awaiting our adoption to go through in haiti.

:)jamie

Rachel said...

My prayers are with you as you go through this process.

I like to call these feelings you are having the birthpains of adoption. We are here to support you!

poseygirl said...

being emotionally raw as it is, i am so touched by all of you sweet, welcoming souls. i have a feeling i will be experiencing more smiles and tears than i thought possible.

thank you Courtney for leading the way for me, and to me.

Hugs to all!

Stephanie said...

Hello there,
My family and I are just starting out in our adoption process as well. Know that you are not alone in your emotional roller coaster! Can't wait to go along the journey with you.

Jenny said...

This is a road you'll be blessed to go down. I have 4 adopted, 1 from the US and 3 from Liberia, as well as 4 1/2 biological. Welcome to wonderful world of adoption!
Jenny
www.xanga.com/foringerfamily

Leneita said...

When our faith is in the Lord, pure religion is: widows and orphans and keeping ourselves from being "polluted" by the world. When our hearts pour out for the widows and orphans then how can the world seep in? There are so many broken children and I believe that the Lord wants them whole. He already has your child (children) in mind......

Becky R said...

Hi! Courtney lead me to your blog. That is so exciting for you that you have started the adoption process. I will add your family to my prayers. I think what you guys are doing with adoption is awesome! -Becky in NJ

Karen said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of adoption. It is a wonderful adventure that can be SOOO nerve-wracking at times. But it is an adventure that is so worth it in the end. We have 2 biological children and a little girl adopted from China. I will be praying for your family as you start your journey.
Karen

crispy said...

God loves your tender heart. Keep bringing it to Him. He will bless.

Ginny said...

Welcome! My family is nearing the end (I hope) of our first adoption of two little boys. I wish you the best!

Christine said...

Hello! I am so excited for you! I am friends with Courtney and any friend of hers is a friend of mine. :) SO ....have you decided on a country?

Sean and Lisa said...

Isn't God amazing?! How He brings all of us together from different areas but with hearts longing to know Him more. I love your openness, your willingness to share your feelings and frustrations. This is how we all learn and grow from one another. Hang in there, the journey will be like a roller coaster ride but I promise it is SO worth it!!
Blessings,
Lisa