Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Day by day

It is interesting how different I feel since I started this journey. I have been crazy busy with work and life lately, but adopting is never far from my mind. the knowledge I have gained so far, seems to permeate my life. I find myself thinking about all of the children in need of a family. Such a given in most lives, that it is often taken for granted. I am certainly not perfect, but I have always known how blessed I am to have all that I do. I am rich in the ways that count. I have never gone without, I have been loved and well taken care of my whole life. I was given wonderful examples...I could go on and on. 
My heart is having a difficult time with the plight of so many children. As I learn about these babies (unless they are adults, they are all babies to me) without families to hold them, and love them, my capacity to look outside of myself seems to grow. I am forever changed. I keep wondering "how can this be?" Intellectually I suppose I get it. Many different circumstances come into play, but "how can this be?"
Long before I had my children, I felt the desire to adopt. Then life kept on happening and my children came in the form of "unexpected" blessings:). Then I finally met and married the man God intended for me, and we discovered our infertility. When the subject of adoption came up I didn't discard or embrace it. I don't think I ever looked at it as a last resort, still I sometimes wonder what would have happened had we been blessed with a biological before now. Right now, I can say that even if I discovered I was pregnant at this moment, I am meant to adopt and nothing would change that desire. How is that for clarity? 
I am taking it day by day. God is working on me all the time.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

SO cool. It is amazing how it all transforms you.. isn't it??

Salzwedel Family said...

I so understand where you are coming from. I feel like I've been changed so dramatically & yet everyone around me has stayed the same. It's been hard. I'm filled with desire to make a difference for these kids & it's hard when people you've known for a long time don't come along for the ride.

Nicci said...

Good Luck on your adoption journey, I have 3 home grown boys and we just adopted our "china doll" through a disrupted adoption and while it was an emotional rollercoaster its worth every dip and turn.