Friday, January 9, 2009

Still no news

There is no news on the baby today. I still need to post, for my own sake. Thank you for all of the loving comments and prayers during this wait.

I think a good cry will do me good. All is well but I am so emotional. I feel as though my heart is split into 3 parts waiting to be whole again. I am away with my amazing husband at his conference, my 2 children are at home with my wonderful mother, and my soon-to be son is overdue. I am feeling a little heartsick. I miss my kids sooooo much. Hearing how much my baby boy misses me tonight kind of sent me over the edge. I haven't had a full out cry, but I haven't really stopped crying since the phone call. If labor hasn't started by tomorrow, we will head home. I can't wait to hold T and J in my arms, but I will be leaving without our new son. I know everything will be as it should be and in God's time, but the day the 3 parts of my heart are 1 again is something I look forward to.

On a happier note, we got to go to dinner with good friends of ours that we haven't seen in ages. The have a beautiful 3 month old daughter we finally got to meet. It was nice, but too short.

Also, in the midst of all of the preparation for our new addition, it was a little to easy to put the idea of how we are going to pay for all of this on the back burner. Funny, huh? Once again, I would like to thank every single one of you who donated to our adoption fund. Biiiiiiiiig blog hugs go out to you all!!:) 

That brings me to another point. Today I was reminded of the humility that this adoption journey has taught me. If it weren't for the fabulous Wife to the Rockstar,my pride would have never let me put a donation button up on this blog. When I am able, I happily, gladly give to others, but asking for and accepting help is a tough one for me. I could give lots of reasons, but ultimately it all comes back to pride. God is still working on me.

One of my dearest friends made a very generous donation to our adoption fund today. When I received notification, I got teary, 1) because it was from her, 2) because it was very generous, and 3) because boy do we NEED it!:) Then I felt weird. Now this is a woman, I would give my last to, give the shirt off of my back, open my home to, but there I was feeling funny about her doing the very thing I would do for her if the tables were turned. She knows it and I know it. I say all that to say,  I shook off that funny feeling. I said a prayer of thanks. Thanks for her in my life, for the donation, and for the humility that God is surely trying to instill in me. Then I thanked her, and of course as fabulous as she is, she only wished she could do more, and told me how happy she is for us. I love you, girl!!!

This journey is profound. I am learning more about myself and life and God along the way. Every tear, smile and prayer will forever be etched in my soul.

13 comments:

Heather said...

I have a hard time with accepting generosity from other people. Just a couple of weeks ago I was profoundly humbled by a gift from a group of people to us for our adoption fees, people who struggle. At that moment I looked at a small plaque I'd received for Christmas from a friend, and it said, "When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. Maya Angelou"

I know the weight is hard. Have that good cry! It cleans the windows of the soul.

Heather said...

I meant wait. Can you tell I have my weight on my mind? I'm working my butt off on wii fit and not losing any wait. HAHA

Annie said...

Lauren, over the last few years God has led me into a place of such humility. I would NEVER have asked for help - until we found our daughter's brother and had to proceed with adopting him even though my husband was without regular employment. Then we found that the best thing for my foster child was Catholic HS - and wow - I had to BEG for tuition assistance. It is spiritually humbling, but that's a good thing.

I just with adoption was not expensive. Doing the best thing for a child should not be.

Rumo Mom said...

Lauren, My family is in the process of adopting 3 boy's from Haiti, the expense is overwhelming and I still am not totally at piece with asking others for help. I am , however, at piece with the fact that God has given us these boy's for a reason and I need to do all I can to get them home.
On a brighter note, I just logged into Rockstar Blog and saw that you are at the hospital. My prayers will be many today for all of you. Can't wait to see your new angel!!!!!! God is a Mighty God!

Wee Ones Mommy said...

I just read at wife to the rockstar that labor has begun!!!!!!
Praying for a safe delivery and your son in your arms soon.

Eric and Michelle said...

I heard from Courtneys blog that you are at the Hospital! Congrats on your dream coming to fruition. Praise Jesus!

Heather said...

Elated yet? Can you breathe? I am so happy for you. I know what it means to long for a child and not know how in the world God can work such a miracle, and then see Him blow your mind and then some. I'm so encouraged by your blessing!

Becky R (photo is me at 16) said...

It is all God's money (Courtney told me this) He decides where He wants it, who are we to argue!!! Congrats on new baby boy!!!

Nicole said...

read on Courtney's blog your baby is coming! your baby's coming! You are in our thoughts and prayers! Congrats to you.

Michael and Michelle said...

Congrats on your baby boy!!!!! What a wonderful day this will be for you guys! I will remember to pray for you guys and for the birth mother today.
Michelle

crispy said...

We hear that things are happening around there for you. Praying that all goes smoothly.

Melissa said...

I just heard you're at the hospital! I hope you share pictures with us soon! :) Congrats.

Darlene said...

I wanted to let you know that I am praying for your family, birthmother, and your little one.

In Him,
Darlene