Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Today is the due date... no baby, no word. I know if I can be honest anywhere about my fears, real or imagined, it is here. I know I am probably being irrational, but as this day comes to an end, I am a bit on edge. 

I have no reason to believe I wouldn't be contacted if there were any news. Even if it is news I don't want to hear. Babies are late, way later than one day, all of the time. So somebody talk me down off of this ledge I find myself on. I don't even want to go to sleep tonight. I know no matter what happens it is in God's plan, and He is in control. I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. My sweet husband is so excited and trying to appear cool, that I hesitate to even bring up my fears, knowing his response will lovingly be that I am overreacting.:)

Today is our potential birthmother's birthday too. I tried to pray her a happy birthday wish. I wonder how she is, how she is feeling. I know I could never truly understand, but I am praying for her.

I am amazed at how much love I feel for this little boy. I am all in. It scares me a little, because he is not officially mine, but I am feeling (emotionally) the same way I did when I was pregnant with my first two, and awaiting their births. Imagining what their little faces would look like, and longing to hold them in my arms. Preparing, heart, body and soul to welcome them into this world. Excited about introducing them to family and friends. Just loving them to bits!!!

I talk to him like I did to them. Not in utero, but in my heart and through prayer and thoughts and words on paper. I told him we are waiting. I promised to love him unconditionally and protect and care for him to the absolute best of my ability. I told him how anxiously his Daddy, brother and sister, and all of our family and friends (who are family) are awaiting his arrival. I prayed for him just like I pray for my first two. I continue to pray. I pray for God's will for this adoption, and peace as it all unfolds and after.

I am hanging in there with my phone by the bed. I will try to sleep tonight, but I wasn't able to sleep much at all right before the birth of my first two, so why should this be any different?

If you read this, thank you for caring. If you leave a comment, feel free to call me nuts!!:) Blessings.


Permission to Mother said...

You sound so normal. You sound like a mother. We all wonder when our baby will birth.
I'm hoping that your baby's birth can occur when your baby is ready and no man-made intervention required.

QuEEn oF tHe cAstLe said...

Praying in NY! This baby is in the palm of HIS hand and GOd knows your heart's desire. Be anxious for NOTHING!! Sleep well.

Jodi said...

Hang in there! My first was a full 2 weeks past the "official" due date and my second was 4 days after. I am sure it is really hard to wait, but His timing is perfect, He knows. I will be praying for you ALL in this and for peace especially for you.
Babies come when it is time. In the mean time...try to enjoy your sleep! :)

crispy said...

You are not nuts, but normal. Cling to God's truth and look up Isaiah 30:18. God wants you to wait for Him.

blessedfamily said...

You sound like a very loving mom! That to me is normal!

Hoping to read/hear good news soon.

Katie said...

I cannot imagine how you're feeling.
I would be going crazy for sure. I hope you hear something soon.