Happy Anniversary!

I am married to my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate, the best man I know, and quite the hottie to boot! Sometimes I still can't believe it. Today is our 3rd anniversary. I am always so glad I didn't settle. I waited a long time for him, and kissed more frogs than I'd care to admit along the way, but ohhhhh, it is worth it.

On top of all that, he is an amazing father. Not the kind who is just there in the house, but hands on involved, nurturing, affectionate, and loving. Since I came into our relationship with 2 children (2 and 9 at the time), he was thrown into the deep end of the "Daddy pool" and he swam like a champ. 

I actually could go on and on about my fabulous, talented, intelligent, hilarious, hot, top-of-the-line husband, but I really just want to wish him Happy Anniversary, and tell him and the world (whatever part is reading this) that loving him and being married to him gets sweeter all the time. It is the closet thing I've got to shouting it from the mountaintops. I love you, baby.

Perspective

I was going to blog about my day, and try very hard not to complain, but before I did, I went to Darren and Misty's page, and what I read there suddenly put my day into perspective. 

Misty is healed, just not here on earth. I hope you will continue to pray for Darren and little Olivia, especially in the coming days. 

There is so much and nothing to say. I am touched to the core by the lives and love of the LeBlanc family.

My new banner link

I just added a banner link to my page. I was led to this blog by my friend, Wife the the Rockstar. Misty has stage IV brain Cancer. Please pray for this family if you aren't already. I am consistently moved by the unconditional love and unquestioning faith shown on this blog. 

I chose this banner because Misty's pretty face is on it, and seeing her makes me feel as though my prayers are stronger, that I am praying for her, not just her name. Silly, huh. I can be that way sometimes.

Anyway, for some reason, this was on my heart today, more than usual. One thing that Darren (Misty's husband) wrote in a recent post that has stayed with me, is that Misty doesn't want or need us to feel sorry for her, she needs our prayers. He said she is happy and at peace. WOW!

Their lights are shining. May I shine even half as brightly.

Oh yeah

I forgot to mention, I let my fabulous friend check out our birthmother letter and adoption profile, and she told me not to change a thing. LOVE HER!!! I couldn't ask for more than her sweet reaction. Made me a little teary.

It makes me feel closer to bringing my baby home. 

Today won't go down in history as my favorite day, so I am being quiet. I am thinking of scripture from yesterday's teaching, which my husband and I both latched onto right away.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without complaining and disputing

No matter what, I am blessed. Blessed to overflowing. I actually made a deal with my 6 year old, that the next time he considers complaining or crying about what he doesn't have or didn't get to do, etc...he has to tell me at least some of what he does have. I plan to practice what I am preaching.:)

Now that I am back, I want to stay in the habit of posting, so I apologize if it seems as though I am saying a lot of nothing from time to time.

Stay blessed!

Wonderful time!

All days are a blessing. Some days are just better than others. I believe friends are the family you choose. I tend to choose some WONDERFUL family. It is amazing the connections you find between people as you get to know them. It just makes more and more sense that you are so drawn to them, and why it it is so worth the effort to nurture that connection in the midst of your busy life.

It is so rare that we have time to just hang out with friends. Between their schedules and ours, it becomes less and less of a priority. Today we made it a priority, and I am so glad. We had a ball! Before I knew it, close to 6 hours had passed. I never felt uncomfortable, in fact, even though we were all yawning, and sleepy kids were dropping like flies, it was still hard to leave. My kinda hang, my kinda people, my kinda family.

I can't wait until we can do it again!:) For us, living farther away from blood relatives than I ever have, it was really nice to feel at home. 

I hope that if there are people in your life you feel connected to, that you make it a priority to spend some time with them. It is worth the effort and effortless at the same time. 

Catching up a little

I suppose yesterday's post doesn't really count as catching up.

While I was away, I did a lot of reading. Adoption forums consumed me for a time. At first I was fascinated. I felt like I could get some real prospective on those forums. There were all members of the adoption triad posting. I really wanted to know how an adopted adult, and a birthmother might feel, and of course it was great to learn about the experiences of other adoptive parents. 

Ultimately, I had to step away. Some of what I learned, I am sure most of you already know. Adoption is BIG business!! With all of what that implies. There are many, many heartbreaking stories. Too many for my heart to handle sometimes. There was much more anger and disagreeing in areas I would have never expected. It got very hard to read. Birthmothers, adopted children (now adults), and adoptive parents had stories, and opinions, that occasionally made me rethink my decision to adopt. Mainly, because I didn't want to risk being a part of someone's pain. 

Then I woke up!!!! Life is a risk. I had to remind myself that the internet can be a wonderful resource, but it can also be dangerous. For those like me who believe knowledge is power, it is easy to go a little overboard on the web. 

I pray for those in the adoption world who were or feel wronged and betrayed. For those who lie to get what they want, those who scam or have been scammed, for those who see adopting as anything other than a beautiful gift, for those who want to parent but can't, for all the good, bad, and otherwise in the adoption world. When all is said and done, it really is about God's grace and these precious little lives that we are led to provide for. Be it providing as a birthmom, an adoptive parent, an adoption professional, a volunteer, or whatever, these children are heaven sent. 

People have a tendency to comment on how blessed a child that we adopt will be, and while we want nothing more to bless our baby's life, that child will bless US and our lives!!! I know I am preaching to the choir, but just thinking about it fills me up!!

This journey is not easy, but I can't wait to get to the destination. 

Just thoughts

I remember when I first made the decision to adopt. I felt so crazed and out of control. Even though I am only still "in line" for the actual "rollercoaster", I feel so much more peaceful about the process. I imagine my baby just about everyday. Instead of those thoughts creating anxiety, they calm me. 

I have a cajillion things going on in my life. Lots of changes, some extremely tough, but I am truly BLESSED. God is good.

I pray that we all have that peace during the good, bad and otherwise times.

Have a beautiful day!

Sad, but okay

I was trying to decide what to catch up on today, but got sidetracked by an interesting phone call. It initially made me mad, but now I am a little sad, yet relieved. 

Friendship, especially new ones, can be tricky. I am fairly new to the city where my family lives. I have lived in the city we moved from basically my whole life. I am pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people and making friends, so I don't feel very comfortable reaching out. I got lucky big time by moving next door to some pretty remarkable people, but aside from them and a couple of other neighbors, I kept pretty much to myself. 

Of course I realized I needed to expand my social circle for a number of reasons. Not easy for a girl like me.

So time passed, and I made a few more friends. One in particular seemed to extend friendship more heartily and quickly than anyone else. I won't get into specifics, but  believe all relationships need time to flourish. Still, how do you turn away what seems to be a genuine offer? 

Without getting into the gory details, Over the past months I have had a few misgivings about this person (she continually talks behind the back of another friend of ours, among other things-very high school), but thought I might be holding some of my past experiences against her. Didn't trust my gut. Always a bad idea. 

In any event, I just found out that my misgivings were for good reason. It makes me sad, but it is for the best. I am a very straightforward person, and what you see is what you get. While I don't expect others to be like me, I have issue with those who misrepresent themselves, especially in order to establish relationships.

My husband likes to tell everyone about how I didn't wear any make-up on our first date. Well the truth of the matter is, if I am not on stage, I rarely wear make-up. While I suppose I could have put forth a little more effort for the man, I was being me. He can never say he didn't know the job when he took it, about ANYTHING. I think that has saved me (and hopefully others in my life) lots of time and heartache.

So I am sad that this friendship (real pr pseudo) is over, mainly because I am an emotional girl. At the same time, I am glad to know early on that there is no need to waste precious positive energy on something that most likely will continue (already has before today) to cause me and my family discomfort and/or pain. 

I made a decision long ago to only surround myself and my family with positive people. It is a process. One well worth undertaking. I stopped inviting drama into my life. I don't want mine, so I definitely don't want anybody else's!!! Soooooo, another day, another lesson learned.

Before I sign off, I want to say how  good it felt to be welcomed back. Thank you. I have missed the blog world.

What a slacker!!!

I am back! I have been sufficiently shamed by my wonderful new doctor (not on purpose) into updating my blog.

It has been almost 3 months. As the days turned into weeks, into months, it just seemed more and more overwhelming to start again. So much has happened, I just didn't/don't know where to start.

Anyhoo, I guess I will just dive in anywhere and see where it takes me.

I have still been completely immersed in adoption research. I was getting  a bit discouraged. Talk about information overload. My husband actually forbade me from going to one forum anymore. HA! Between adoption costs, choosing an adoption professional, and discovering that adoption isn't always seen as the fabulous thing that I see it to be, nor does it always bring out the best in those in the adoption triad (some forums can get nuts), my adoption dreams started to seem a bit out of reach. 

So I prayed, I researched, I prayed, I researched...(you get the picture).

Well, we all know what prayer can do. I FOUND MY AGENCY!!! I am so excited. It is what I prayed for:

Affordable

In state

Payments are spread out

Only an app fee to get started

I am prayerful, yet confident that this is the right agency.

So with all of that, you would think I am halfway there! Right? Wrong!!!

This summer proved to be one of the worst ones yet, financially. I won't bore you with the sad details...for now:) So we are in financial limbo, but hope to get the ball rolling within the next couple of weeks!!! I can't wait!!

At the agency owner's suggestion, I started and completed my adoption profile. It was tough, and fun at the same time. Of course it needs to be reviewed, but I am happy with it.

So my new doctor is Dr. Punger who, by the way, has a fabulous blog that I recently started following, permissiontomother.blogspot.com,  suggested I do multiple blog entries instead of one long "try to catch up" entry, so I will end here in a sec. I sought her out as a resource for a very specific reason.

Let me preface that reason by saying I am chicken. As a blogger, I hesitate to get too real, or touch on things that might be deemed controversial or unpopular, for fear that I will come under fire. I am not a "sit back and take it" kind of chick. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I take stuff personally. Still, I consider myself a bit of a rebel, so here goes. My first real risk on my blog...I am planning to breastfeed the baby we adopt!! OK, so maybe that is not a big deal (not negatively anyway) to those of you who are reading this. I truly hope not, but my vast amount of research shows that there are some strong opinions on the subject. 

I didn't know it was possible, and and thrilled at the prospect of nursing my third child, as I did the first 2. 

So I will leave you with that, and pray that you are happy for me. I have no intention of staying away so long again. I still have a lot to catch you up on!!