Not yet, but I am better

Prayer and your encouraging, soothing words have certainly helped me. I am feeling calmer. I did speak to the lawyer and all is well. Our potential birthmom, K,  is fine and waiting. No plans have changed. She is 3 cm dilated as of yesterday, which most of us know means very little in predicting when baby boy will make his grand entrance. 

I was able to send a message to K that I/we are thinking of and praying for her, and send belated happy birthday wishes. She is mostly concerned that the baby is going to be very big. I think she may be right. As of the day we met her, a little over 2 weeks ago, he was estimated to be a little over 6 and 1/2 lbs., so if he very well could be over 8 lbs. by now. She is only 5'2.:) You never know though. 

Anyway, thank you everyone for checking in with me. It means a lot. I did manage to get to sleep shortly after I posted last night. Then I received 2 phone calls after midnight that I thought must be THE call! Each call was a different close friend checking to see if the baby had come. That set my heart to racing both times. I didn't take the calls since I had just gotten to sleep. (I talked them both today and they understood:)) The point is, I did ultimately get some sleep.

Hopefully sleep will come even easier tonight. 

Fears

Today is the due date... no baby, no word. I know if I can be honest anywhere about my fears, real or imagined, it is here. I know I am probably being irrational, but as this day comes to an end, I am a bit on edge. 

I have no reason to believe I wouldn't be contacted if there were any news. Even if it is news I don't want to hear. Babies are late, way later than one day, all of the time. So somebody talk me down off of this ledge I find myself on. I don't even want to go to sleep tonight. I know no matter what happens it is in God's plan, and He is in control. I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. My sweet husband is so excited and trying to appear cool, that I hesitate to even bring up my fears, knowing his response will lovingly be that I am overreacting.:)

Today is our potential birthmother's birthday too. I tried to pray her a happy birthday wish. I wonder how she is, how she is feeling. I know I could never truly understand, but I am praying for her.

I am amazed at how much love I feel for this little boy. I am all in. It scares me a little, because he is not officially mine, but I am feeling (emotionally) the same way I did when I was pregnant with my first two, and awaiting their births. Imagining what their little faces would look like, and longing to hold them in my arms. Preparing, heart, body and soul to welcome them into this world. Excited about introducing them to family and friends. Just loving them to bits!!!

I talk to him like I did to them. Not in utero, but in my heart and through prayer and thoughts and words on paper. I told him we are waiting. I promised to love him unconditionally and protect and care for him to the absolute best of my ability. I told him how anxiously his Daddy, brother and sister, and all of our family and friends (who are family) are awaiting his arrival. I prayed for him just like I pray for my first two. I continue to pray. I pray for God's will for this adoption, and peace as it all unfolds and after.

I am hanging in there with my phone by the bed. I will try to sleep tonight, but I wasn't able to sleep much at all right before the birth of my first two, so why should this be any different?

If you read this, thank you for caring. If you leave a comment, feel free to call me nuts!!:) Blessings.

Still waiting

So many of you have been very sweet, checking in on us about whether we have any news. Well, there is still none. 

We had our final piece of our homestudy completed a few hours ago, and I would like to think that our soon-to-be son is so brilliant and intuitive that he has just been waiting for everything to be in place before "choosing" to make his fabulous entrance into the world.:)

Seriously, we all know God's timing is perfect, so we wait...eagerly, prayerfully and excitedly, we wait. Thank you for being on this journey with us, and caring so much. I can feel your excitement too!!

Hopefully my next post will be the ONE!!!

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!!

Happy New Year all! I rang in this new year as I have every other for the last 14 years. I have the pleasure of being powerfully reminded of how blessed I am because fabulous firstborn, T, celebrates her birthday on Jan. 1!! In usual fashion we had a blast at her party. It was a wonderfully, blessed day.

I was able to take my mind off of waiting for THE call, as we celebrated with family and a few friends. Lots of food and fun. Each birthday is a little bittersweet as I am faced with the idea of my baby not really being a baby anymore. I so proud of the young lady she is, but it also breaks my heart a little. 

In any event, 2009 holds great promise, just as each and every day does. May your blessings overflow this year!

Happy birthday, my sweet, baby girl!!!!

I haven't been posting because I don't have much to say or report. We are eagerly waiting for "the call". I am fairly calm, but I am not sleeping well. I am exhausted and excited. 

The baby is due in 9 days! He may go to term. Still it is hard to think that way, since my 1st 2 came 2 weeks and 1 week early respectively. 

We have an infant seat (thanks to my brother and sister-in-law:)), and the basics, so in effect we are ready. I have not heard a word from the agency or the lawyer, so I assume all is well and we are just waiting for nature to take it's course.

On another note, today is my wonderful husband's birthday!!!! That man makes me immeasurably happy. I just want to wish him the best birthday yet, and tell him I love him more every day. Happy birthday, my love!!!!!!!!!!

An amazing day!!!

I am thrilled and exhausted!!! Thank you for all of the prayers for this day and our whole journey to date. 

We met our birthmother today and it was wonderful!! She is smart, and pretty, and funny, and upfront. We spent an hour and a half with her. She invited me in for her appointment and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. 

We took some pictures together. It was a little hard to say goodbye. She wants a completely closed adoption, so this may be the only time we ever get. I didn't know I would care.

She says she is completely at peace and sure about her decision to place and to place with us. She got to see that our profile was a real representation of who we are. 

If she does place with us, she will forever be in my heart. I will always pray for her.

We are almost finished with our homestudy. Good thing, since he is due in 15 days. This is not her first child and she says all of her children have come exactly on the due date. She is ready now though. Wouldn't that be crazy if that happened again for her??? Not to mention, he is due on her birthday. Bittersweet, don't you think?

We talked about a lot of things. I wanted to know her interests and hobbies. She was very open. Of course, things were a little weird, but considering the circumstances, I could not have asked for a better meeting. God is good. 

It was a long exhausting day, and Dale is already passed out. I am next, but I couldn't go to sleep without telling my blog fam what happened today. We only got home about 20 minutes ago, because we raced home to rehearse with the worship team for Christmas Eve services. 

In case I don't get to my computer tomorrow, have a blessed, wonderful Christmas!!!

Tuesday seems very far away

Well, we are nesting...somewhat. If it weren't for other obligations, all I would be doing is nesting. 

I have to say once again, how grateful I am to everyone who has reached out to us. That includes words of encouragement, prayers, donations, and support. I count it all love. I know it is all God.

I spoke the lawyer who is responsible for this adoption situation and got a lot more information. She speaks very highly of the birthmother. She described her as a smart, beautiful, easy to like woman, who has had a hard life. 

Everyone please pray for her, as she prepares to give birth. It is highly unlikely that she will decide to parent, given circumstances I know about, but understandably won't share here. Still, for her sake and for the sake of this baby boy, I ask that you pray for her life circumstances to improve, and her health and happiness now and in the future. Of course, I ask that you pray for the safe, healthy delivery of the baby. 

In the meantime, we are eagerly anticipating our meeting on Tuesday and the baby's imminent arrival. According the lawyer and our agency director, the birthmother wants out of the hospital asap after giving birth. Evidently TPR can be signed and effective as early as the birthmother is discharged. At least that is what the lawyer said. If things go that way, we would take custody of the baby sooner. The lawyer and I have our own opinions about her leaving without seeing or spending time with him, but it is not our call.:( I just don't want him to be alone. 

I almost feel pregnant. My very close friend keeps teasing me, saying that I am. I am an emotional wreck. I think I have cried multiple times a day, every day this week. Between being matched, getting prepared, and receiving all that I have from you all, I am raw with emotion.

Not to mention, I have been exhausted every day from the mid-afternoon until I finally fall asleep at night. I say that to say, that I could certainly go on, but I am down for the count. I just wanted to touch base with my wonderful blog family.:) Good night and God bless.