We are home!!!

Hey fam! Just a brief update. We are home!! Birthmom signed TPR yesterday afternoon and he was released this evening. We had a joyously sweet meeting and reunion with T and J a couple of hours ago. They got to stay up a little late to love on their new baby brother. Taj met Grandma (maternal) too. My heart feels whole again! I took some pics that I hope to upload tomorrow. 

On another note, Taj and I attempted to breastfeed tonight for the very first time. I am using a Lactaid supplementer until I finish the protocol in a little over a week, so I had to learn that. I am thrilled and proud to say it was a huge success!!! I just knew he would be a natural. I will keep you updated. He has a good latch and I know once my milk comes in, it will be even better. He seemed to hate the artificial nipples we used in the hospital. He always made a disgusted face, but there was none of that at the breast. I am so happy and excited. 

I have lots to say, but I am beat. I'd better get a little sleep before he is up again.

It is so good to be home.:) Blessings.

He is here!!!

You are my blog family, so without further ado.....Introducing Taj Jair (a Biblical name meaning "my light" [pronounced Jye-eere]) Posey!! Weighing in at 7 lbs 6 ozs., he entered the world at 3:40pm

Praise God!! Our baby boy made his amazing entrance into the world, and I am once again in awe of what God can do. I have to say, the feeling is NO different. We are in love!!! He is just perfect!

His birthmother is a marvel!! She asked for me to be in the room (if I was comfortable with it). I never imagined I would have that opportunity. I only wanted what she wanted. She was a champ!! 4 pushes. I watched him be born. I cut the cord. I was with him from the moment he entered the world. I am overwhelmed. I made sure that K could see everything that was going on as they cleaned him up etc...she loves him. She never shed a tear in my presence. She s sure of her decision thus far. After he was all bathed and wrapped, I carried him to her and placed him on her arms. We left the room so that they could have some time. She will always be in my prayers. 

The nurse came to get us on the way to the nursery, so we could feed him. K insisted that Dale and I were given the only 2 wristbands that give access to the baby. I asked if she was sure, she said "absolutely". Wow!! Nothing could have possibly prepared me for all the emotion involved in this experience. 

As we fed him and held him and looked at him, it occurred to me that I would have to leave him in the hospital sometimes! Waterworks!!!! It helps to think of it as them taking him to the nursery for a while here and there as it happened with my other 2. I am hanging in there. I will be going back in about an hour.:)

Throughout all of this, I have been calling and texting as many of the people I promised the news of his birth. Family and friends are estactic. Many of you have been waiting and praying along with us. I have to thank Wife to the Rockstar for once again going the extra mile by posting our news of imminent birth and opening her home to my little J to keep him happy in my absence today. All of the comments and prayers and excitement mean the world. Thank you, God bless! We have to go feed our new son!:)

Still no news

There is no news on the baby today. I still need to post, for my own sake. Thank you for all of the loving comments and prayers during this wait.

I think a good cry will do me good. All is well but I am so emotional. I feel as though my heart is split into 3 parts waiting to be whole again. I am away with my amazing husband at his conference, my 2 children are at home with my wonderful mother, and my soon-to be son is overdue. I am feeling a little heartsick. I miss my kids sooooo much. Hearing how much my baby boy misses me tonight kind of sent me over the edge. I haven't had a full out cry, but I haven't really stopped crying since the phone call. If labor hasn't started by tomorrow, we will head home. I can't wait to hold T and J in my arms, but I will be leaving without our new son. I know everything will be as it should be and in God's time, but the day the 3 parts of my heart are 1 again is something I look forward to.

On a happier note, we got to go to dinner with good friends of ours that we haven't seen in ages. The have a beautiful 3 month old daughter we finally got to meet. It was nice, but too short.

Also, in the midst of all of the preparation for our new addition, it was a little to easy to put the idea of how we are going to pay for all of this on the back burner. Funny, huh? Once again, I would like to thank every single one of you who donated to our adoption fund. Biiiiiiiiig blog hugs go out to you all!!:) 

That brings me to another point. Today I was reminded of the humility that this adoption journey has taught me. If it weren't for the fabulous Wife to the Rockstar,my pride would have never let me put a donation button up on this blog. When I am able, I happily, gladly give to others, but asking for and accepting help is a tough one for me. I could give lots of reasons, but ultimately it all comes back to pride. God is still working on me.

One of my dearest friends made a very generous donation to our adoption fund today. When I received notification, I got teary, 1) because it was from her, 2) because it was very generous, and 3) because boy do we NEED it!:) Then I felt weird. Now this is a woman, I would give my last to, give the shirt off of my back, open my home to, but there I was feeling funny about her doing the very thing I would do for her if the tables were turned. She knows it and I know it. I say all that to say,  I shook off that funny feeling. I said a prayer of thanks. Thanks for her in my life, for the donation, and for the humility that God is surely trying to instill in me. Then I thanked her, and of course as fabulous as she is, she only wished she could do more, and told me how happy she is for us. I love you, girl!!!

This journey is profound. I am learning more about myself and life and God along the way. Every tear, smile and prayer will forever be etched in my soul.

Not yet, but I am better

Prayer and your encouraging, soothing words have certainly helped me. I am feeling calmer. I did speak to the lawyer and all is well. Our potential birthmom, K,  is fine and waiting. No plans have changed. She is 3 cm dilated as of yesterday, which most of us know means very little in predicting when baby boy will make his grand entrance. 

I was able to send a message to K that I/we are thinking of and praying for her, and send belated happy birthday wishes. She is mostly concerned that the baby is going to be very big. I think she may be right. As of the day we met her, a little over 2 weeks ago, he was estimated to be a little over 6 and 1/2 lbs., so if he very well could be over 8 lbs. by now. She is only 5'2.:) You never know though. 

Anyway, thank you everyone for checking in with me. It means a lot. I did manage to get to sleep shortly after I posted last night. Then I received 2 phone calls after midnight that I thought must be THE call! Each call was a different close friend checking to see if the baby had come. That set my heart to racing both times. I didn't take the calls since I had just gotten to sleep. (I talked them both today and they understood:)) The point is, I did ultimately get some sleep.

Hopefully sleep will come even easier tonight. 

Fears

Today is the due date... no baby, no word. I know if I can be honest anywhere about my fears, real or imagined, it is here. I know I am probably being irrational, but as this day comes to an end, I am a bit on edge. 

I have no reason to believe I wouldn't be contacted if there were any news. Even if it is news I don't want to hear. Babies are late, way later than one day, all of the time. So somebody talk me down off of this ledge I find myself on. I don't even want to go to sleep tonight. I know no matter what happens it is in God's plan, and He is in control. I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. My sweet husband is so excited and trying to appear cool, that I hesitate to even bring up my fears, knowing his response will lovingly be that I am overreacting.:)

Today is our potential birthmother's birthday too. I tried to pray her a happy birthday wish. I wonder how she is, how she is feeling. I know I could never truly understand, but I am praying for her.

I am amazed at how much love I feel for this little boy. I am all in. It scares me a little, because he is not officially mine, but I am feeling (emotionally) the same way I did when I was pregnant with my first two, and awaiting their births. Imagining what their little faces would look like, and longing to hold them in my arms. Preparing, heart, body and soul to welcome them into this world. Excited about introducing them to family and friends. Just loving them to bits!!!

I talk to him like I did to them. Not in utero, but in my heart and through prayer and thoughts and words on paper. I told him we are waiting. I promised to love him unconditionally and protect and care for him to the absolute best of my ability. I told him how anxiously his Daddy, brother and sister, and all of our family and friends (who are family) are awaiting his arrival. I prayed for him just like I pray for my first two. I continue to pray. I pray for God's will for this adoption, and peace as it all unfolds and after.

I am hanging in there with my phone by the bed. I will try to sleep tonight, but I wasn't able to sleep much at all right before the birth of my first two, so why should this be any different?

If you read this, thank you for caring. If you leave a comment, feel free to call me nuts!!:) Blessings.

Still waiting

So many of you have been very sweet, checking in on us about whether we have any news. Well, there is still none. 

We had our final piece of our homestudy completed a few hours ago, and I would like to think that our soon-to-be son is so brilliant and intuitive that he has just been waiting for everything to be in place before "choosing" to make his fabulous entrance into the world.:)

Seriously, we all know God's timing is perfect, so we wait...eagerly, prayerfully and excitedly, we wait. Thank you for being on this journey with us, and caring so much. I can feel your excitement too!!

Hopefully my next post will be the ONE!!!

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!!

Happy New Year all! I rang in this new year as I have every other for the last 14 years. I have the pleasure of being powerfully reminded of how blessed I am because fabulous firstborn, T, celebrates her birthday on Jan. 1!! In usual fashion we had a blast at her party. It was a wonderfully, blessed day.

I was able to take my mind off of waiting for THE call, as we celebrated with family and a few friends. Lots of food and fun. Each birthday is a little bittersweet as I am faced with the idea of my baby not really being a baby anymore. I so proud of the young lady she is, but it also breaks my heart a little. 

In any event, 2009 holds great promise, just as each and every day does. May your blessings overflow this year!

Happy birthday, my sweet, baby girl!!!!